Thinkin'

'bout all that has happened this year, and ALL that is going to happen. This year isn't even half over and it's been quite interesting. Loads of posts with aspirations and goals to accomplishments and the ability to find myself.

I am terrified of what the future holds. So much is on the line. Lives, feelings, love, family, friends.... you name it. I see people around me where something happens and it changes their lives forever. A gain or loss of a job, lover, parent, child, or friend.

I have gained so much this year. I guess that is why I am so afraid to loose. I have a wonderful and an amazing best friend, Kristi, who I love, love so much and she deserves the world. She acknowledges my feelings and helps me find the solutions. I have made new friends at knitting, amazing women that I long to be like one day. Open, lively and fun. I have my new friend, Josh, who is always on the go go go! He makes me feel alive, like I did when I was a teenager. Like I could just pull my hair up into a ponytail, pull on some shorts and be fun and one of the guys again. I miss that! I really do.

I miss being one of the guys. It was kinda a love hate relationship growing up. For so many reasons, let me share my experience(s):

CONS -
*You has crushes on a few of the guys, but you'd never say anything.
*Some of the guys would cross the line and say "It's because you are a girl!"
*The guys always knew who you liked...
*The guys would tease you and tell you things about the guy you liked, and you weren't sure whether to be surprised or disgusted.
*You would always be one of the guys with girl opinions.
* The guys forget everything! EXCEPT for that ONE thing that you said that ONE time, and would he would say it every chance he got to bring it up.
* You were forbid to bring up anything from the past that was sensitive.
* You were only sensitive on their terms for only their amount of time.
* Forget mentioning about Cramps...
* But they could talk about their crap... UGH!
* They would pull the PMS card outta the bag if you were having a bad day.
* The things they wanted to do that Blond Head Bimbo... UGH!
* Had to favor sides for teams

PROS -
* You didn't have to worry about the "girl" drama.
* Free to give relationship advice.
* Free guy advice.
* Most of the guys had your back. (Example. One time a new guy came in our group and played hackey sack and said "she can't play, she's a girl". Well, my guys raised their eyebrows and said "I bet your ass she is better than you!" Lets just say that I was better than him! (And I might have had a little help ;P))
* Never had to worry about getting into a fight.
* I could easily stop a fight because I was a girl.
* Did I say No girl drama!
* Nothing matches guy drama and guy conversations!!! LMAO! Anything from what they did that weekend...to well yeah......size... (*hands on ears* la la la)
* Most of the guys were polite around me.
* I could leave the room during one of "those" convos and not feel guilted into having to listen or put my 2 cents in.
* I could stay for one of "those" convos, put my 2 cents in... and the things I could tell you....but I won't. LOL!
* You could be playful without them thinking it was anything more.
* Free piggy backs!
* Free Body Guard
* You always had a challenge to be better.
* Don't have to always wear make up or hair have to be perfect.
* The comments you got when you actually looked like a lady.
* Could pretend to be (their/your) date...or just their friend to break the ice.
* Was a favorite to be on a team!
* Could play sports and was passed the ball and they would block people so you could score.
* They would pick you up as if you were like a rag doll and toss you around, or over their shoulder and spin (till I asked them to stop and they would spin faster and I would give them the a wedgie)
* Girls would come up to me and ask me about of the one of the guys I hung out with and I had the shoulder shrug down!

Wow... I miss parts of those days. The CONS were sometimes irritating, but most of the time funny and made them MEN. But the PROS, wow... loads of fun!!! I miss that. Being silly and fun. They didn't try to get with me, they just wanted to be my friend. They had my back and were there for me when I needed male advice. Some of them would listen to me vent or cry, and others kept me busy so I didn't have to think about it. They were sincere. They were my friends, my guys.... I was one of the guys.

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