....Everything to GAIN!

Either you are going to break or you are going to push forward. I refuse to sit on the ground and wait, I MUST push forward. BUT WHERE AM I GOING??? WHAT do I WANT? WHAT DO I NEED? Then I hear his voice say.... ".... Take it a DAY at a TIME." (Goosebumps) That then reminds me of that saying: "You don't have to see the whole staircase to take the first step." OR "Happiness isn't destination, it's a way of life."

WHERE have I come from:
 I am a Mother, a wife, a daughter, a sister, a best friend. I am outgoing. I am unique. I am creative. I have the desire to help people. I am passionate!!!!! I am learning humility and compassion. I grew up Catholic.

WHERE am I now:
I am a stay at home Mama of 4 where I work from home providing help people reach their health goals. I am currently working at bringing the charity from the company I am a part of into my community through my food bank. I am a wife... (I don't know what to say beyond that... again "Take it a day at a time".) I am rebuilding my relationship with GOD! And I am bringing God into my children's lives.

WHERE are you going to be:
I HAVE NO IDEA! And that is okay!!! (Gotta "Let Go, and Let GOD!") I am going to be the best Mama I can be to my children. I am going to work as hard as I can to be able to provide for them. My charity is going to be amazing and help so many people!!! I am going to be successful. I AM GOING TO continue to grow in GOD... God help me!

WHAT do I want?
I want GOD to guide me. I want GOD in my life. I want God in my kids lives. I want GOD in all of my relationships. I want GOD in my job and all of my successes. I want to love my kids unconditionally and I want them to know it!!! I WANT to be loved unconditionally. I want my kids to be loved uncondtionally by all those in my life. I want to love unconditionally. I want passion. I want comfort. I want promise. I want to dream and share them. I want to make goals and reach them, and have my children to be a part of it.

HOW bad do I want it?
I WANT IT. "Enough to run through a brick wall."
WHAT am I going to do to get there?
THANK GOD! Set goals and reach them. I am going to work hard. I AM GOING TO PRAY!!!! PRAY!!! AND PRAY!!! AND be thankful... and blessed. I am going to include my kids in my business. I am going to make daily, weekly, and monthly goals. I am going to keep in contact with those who are where I want to be.

WHAT are my fears? (write down and BURN!!!!)
Failure, giving up, unsuccessful, lack of motivation, being alone, not being a good mother, not loving God enough, not thanking God enough, not praising God enough. That I can't do it. That I'm not strong enough. I'm not loveable. I am undeserving. I don't have anything to give. That I will lose everyone and everything in my life. Not being LOVED and being able to LOVE back. No more passion. Not being compassionate. Not being humble. That my past and fear will control me!

WHY??????
GOD! GOD! GOD!!! My children.... all 4 of them. Their LOVE, their HUGS, and their NEEDS. MORE TIME.....!!!!! With my children, vacations with family. My community challenge. To help as many people as I can with the help of my children. Missions... LOVE LOVE LOVE!!! Passion... the people in my life that support me with no questions ask. My bestie, my Sweets, my cheerleader, even my husband.


WHAT am I waiting for? I just to just "DREAM IT and DO IT"! Dear GOD please guide me! Please be with in everything I do, say, and feel. WHO is with me??? Who want's it as bad as I do?

NST ST. LOUIS 2012

November 5th, 2012

What an emotional roller coaster. From missing my kids to seeing lives change before my life. This weekend was absolutely incredible. I can't wait to bring more of my team to the next event.

I'm creating goals left and right and I'm not going to let any of the "NOISE" bring my hopes and dreams down. I have passion built into my soul, a vision my mind and belief in my heart. I am here to help serve the people of the world. Starting with those I know and love, then to my friends and community.

I am living on just hours of sleep. I can't wait to see my family. I can't wait to skoosh my kiddies. I'm exhausted and long to be held to sleep.  (ha ha... dreaming BIG!) I am currently on a plane on my way home.

Tomorrow is going to be a challenging day and many prayers are  asked and welcomed. Being an adult reallying is here. Not that caring for your own children makes you responsible for one's life. But when you hold a possible decision to someone else's life other then your young, or yourself, it really is hard. It's a day of picking and choosing battles.

Life is filled with them. As I like to say "Every action has a reaction". The turbulence is here. Reminding me that we all of rocky paths we must travel, but he outcome can be very much welcomed. (Gosh I love Zac Efron! He is playing a really funny character on this movie that's playing, which I am only making glances at. Instead I am currently listening to "Open Arms" sung by Mariah Carey.) Thinking positive thoughts and I haven't prayed this much in years. Faith, we must-have it in our Creator Randall those around us. As we are all made in the image of God. We are all called to serve those in need.

My eyes are dozing off as I am typing. Again, snuggles.... I crave them. We will see... remaining OPTIMISTIC! Meanwhile have a plain seat on a plane. Goodnight will chat again soon!! Perhaps about knitting. Lol.

BLANK....................

I've been staring at this blank page on and off for the last 30 mins... What to write. Oh gosh... where to start?

Ever have so much on your mind it feels like is is going to explode? Yep.... that is how I feel.

So lets just start here.

So I will be in St. Louis in 2 weeks for work. I am super excited!! I will be flying to Nashville, TN and spending like 1/2 the day there and then to AL for 2 days and then my best friend in the whole wide world and I will be driving west to St. Louis, MO for an event for work.

I LOVE MY JOB!! I love it!

I get paid to help people reach their health goals. It is absolutely amazing, and completely rewarding in so many ways. It even gives me reason to travel, I love traveling. I love meeting new people!

So not this weekend, but next weekend I will be throwing the kids a Birthday party. 2 days worth. I am so excited! On Saturday we will be throwing them (Mila and Serg) a costume/birthday party with a few of their friends. Then on Sunday we will be having family over and having a family party! :D I am hoping this makes up for me missing Halloween and Serg's Birthday. :(

This week has been super crazy. I have a couple of good friends going threw a lot. One of them happens to be a super close friend and I find a lot of things in common with her. She is near and dear to my heart in so many ways. And another is a friend of mine I just met who has a lot to accomplish in the next few years, creating himself a new beginning. I pray for the best for both of them...

I have to remind myself the Serenity Prayer daily. And lately a little more often.

I am in the process of building my charity. I am in the process of building my business. I am in the process of helping our daughter with ADHD get her IEP. So many things and so little time. BUT I can do it. As Josh says, make a list. It helps. I need to make more lists.

Well, that is it for now. Next post I will share what I have knitted. As it has been, um, a while since I have shared that too! :D *HUGS* to all and have a fantastical weekend!

My Fork in the Road!

I woke up this morning refreshed and relieved of some of the craziest of dreams that sometimes feel oh to real. And singing to Immortality!

Have you ever had a times in your life where you hope and pray to find something or someone who can just tell you all you need to know? You hold on to that thought. You send out into the universe asking for God to bring you that one song, situtation, place, people, ... person. You PRAY day after day for it. That break!

This year I started working from home. Doing something I never thought I would actually would ever be doing. I could only hope that I could be helping people feel great, and I feel rewarded with just that satisfaction. I have even been migraine free for 8 months today!!

I am at a yet another personal epiphany! I am HERE! I am doing and living all that I could hope for. EVERYTHING is not perfect. But I AM HERE! I am in thankful tears. I am surrounded by the most amazing people. Each person filling up a space in my life that was missing. BALANCE! At this moment in time, I am at a mental peace. I am no longer empty. My energy is charged and ready to go. To HELP as many people as I can reach their dreams and their peace.

I was gazing upon my past "Bucket List". Without even knowing I have accomplished more than 5 of them! AND I am filled with more things to add and ready to accept the challenges to make them happen. I am ready to WORK!

Not like, ugh I hate my job, and this isn't working work. Or that okay I am going to work really hard so I can do this. But that I want to work. This is going to work. THIS IS WORKING and I AM DOING IT! I am making it happen. Stepping out of my shell ready for life. My dreams are becoming goals and I have some answers. I will never have all of them, but I have some. AND I am content with them, as of right now.

I have no idea what my future holds. I have no idea where I will be next year and who I will be surrounded by. I do hope and pray for happiness for those around me here and then. I pray for Life, Health and Prosperity for all of us. I pray that I can be there for my children in so many ways, as a mother, a provider, and a confidant. I pray they learn compassion and can used their stubbornness for something positive and helpful to themselves and others. I pray they can make goals and reach them! I pray that I can be a part of each one of their lives as adults. I pray they have great relationships with one another.

I have answers.... it is bittersweet. But I asked for them, and God sent them. But I am ready. Who is with me?

Blown Away

Oh Karma, how you constantly seem to surprise me!

Have you ever had a song come out on the radio and it hits straight home? Explain your love, life, feelings, or even your past? It could make you happy, want to fantasize, grow, embrace a loved one, call a friend, become sad, mournful or even angry.

(It has been a long time since i have blogged. In fact almost nearly a year... So many projects made, and so many more started and unfinished. "STORY OF MY LIFE"! Perhaps that is why I feel so incomplete at times. I think there are other reasons, but lets leave it at that.)

Meanwhile, I heard a song recently that hit really close not to home but to my past. I really am not quite sure how to embrace these feelings of shock, anger, and pain. And now begin to wonder if my past feelings have caused more recent events. Have my past feelings cause the future be so destructive for another? Have my feelings caused Karma for so many?

I found myself loving this song till one day I broke it down. It slowly built me up in shock, as I watched my future hopes move beyond me and I felt myself again reliving my past of anger. I knew deep down inside that my past choices and some of my memories were completely out of my control, yet hold me bitter. To this day I still feel it rush to the surface of my being without notice and yet worse, no empathy. It is a rage I suppress in hopes I can move beyond my past, and NOT to be the better person (as I hate that phrase), but to be all that I can be and yet still strive for more. In hopes I don't let it linger too long to get a hold me and become the victim I am NEVER am supposed to ever be.

I loathe that part of me, thinking I deserve every ones sympathy. When what I really desire and need is understanding, support, and wisdom of love. I understand that not all criticism is all compliments, sometimes it is the out of the box view I hope to see to make better decisions. Once I get it, and I don't get what I like I turn and walk away. I have officially walked away on hope of becoming of who I really want to be. So I stop, breathe, understand my "WHYs" in life, breathe, turn around and face what I have left. I must take it with a grain of salt and move on.

No more lingering, no more being the victim of what was at the time out of my complete control. This here, my life now, these are my choices. My choices to let my anger, pain, and unforgiveness rule my life, OR to "LET IT BE" and accept what has happened and move on. Be the person I have worked so hard to be. The challenge has just begun and I'm ready to run. I may fall, but I am blessed by loved ones from near and far to help me up, encourage me forward, and most of all LOVE me and Keep me company.