So I am going to "REVAMP" my blog. It is going to be a place where I am going to be completely honest and a place where I can run to to see my growth, my struggles, and my strength. I have seen things that I have written in my past blogs that have brought so many more meanings to my life now, things I wanted answers to and now I do. But I now that I have these answers, I have SO MANY MORE QUESTIONS!
So in the last few months I have FOUND PASSION! YES REAL PASSION! It is amazing and it was found in a very unlikely place. I am not going into detail how or where I found it, but I will say that I have. I will reveal more of my secrets and life in time.
GOD! I love love HIM! And I love His Son, Jesus Christ! Something a typical Christian would say, right? Yeah... But it is true and it has brought so much love to my life. So many more meanings and reasons to life. I want to fall more in love with Them and I want to grow my relationships with Them. I need Them to be my purpose in life, my drive, and my will to live. I need Them to send the Holy Spirit my way to help show everyone around me who I am living for. Who I am choosing to live for. WHO I NEED TO LIVE FOR!
I have been depressed for the last few months. I have felt lost and I have no idea where I want to be. Or at least I didn't. My "picture" is becoming clearer. I haven't kept in touch with people, I have cut off communication with so many people because I just didn't have the energy to talk to anyone. I was so tired of all the negative energy I was sharing, and all the negative energy I was recieving from some of the people in my life. I am finding that this 'black hole' I have created it is deadly. Not only for me but for everyone around me. I am so tired of being the 'victim', I want more than that. I am tired of waiting for things to happen. Waiting for life to happen. Waiting on people to make decisions so I can make mine. There are too many things I could be doing, people I could be meeting, and people I could be helping in this time of waiting. Instead I have chosen to sit here in my depression complaining. Saying I am going to move but I don't. I have placed myself here and refused to move. It isn't healthy... It really isn't. And it is NOT productive. God gave me the life to help others and I haven't been doing anything. WHY??? Because I am scared. Because I don't think I have it in me to succeed. Because if I don't try then I can't fail. But is any of this helping me? NO! It isn't. "I" must make this choice for myself. I must make this choice for my children. I must make the choice for my service to God. I CANNOT wait any longer.
I must get off of my "@$$", make a plan and follow it. I must find my "WHY". WHY am I doing this? Why do I keep giving up? I need to find the things that push me, and I have to find the things that pull me back. I must trim the things that pull me back and I must invest in those who push me forward in life. ANYTHING that brings me to God is the path I should be on. No matter what. Whatever brings me to God, is the path I will be on. I cannot sabotage my time anymore, or anyone else's time. YES, we all have problems, loses, lack of energy, and motivation. But we also have the strength to overcome anything that we put our mind into. WHAT are we waiting for? Some of us just aren't ready yet... we just don't know the power of true love. But the moment when we see it or realize it, we will find purpose. We must build on that purpose. I will be writing down my purpose, my calling, my why, and my plan. YES, I will be posting all of it. I need to release all of it so that it is no longer strangling me, but now pushing me. I must take action so that my life is not lived in 'vain'. I want my life's purpose to be more than just words. I want to take ACTION!!!
Please look forward to a new look and new photos coming soon.
