Who had a bunch of crazy dreams.... dreams that felt so real. The kind like only happen in fantasies, they really don't happen in reality. Like falling passionately in love... living her life completely intertwined with her soul mate, the lover of all things God given. In a dream where love making happens in exotic places around the world filled with passion and ecstasy. A blissful state for their purpose to share their financial and spiritual wealth with the world. To grow their business to help people reach their financial stability and find peace being debt free and also serving back to the community of people in need. Praising God every moment of everyday for their blessings... saying goodbye to financial debt and spiritual debt because the closer they grow with the Lord the more they are blessed. They are reminded daily of humility and patience by the strength and love of their God. It is the first time they have felt anything close to complete and at peace. Love is tangible in every aspect of their lives as if they were creating Utopia for not only themselves but the opportunity for all those around them to share in doing God's work. This couple is far beyond perfect, in fact flaws are found within their past, blemishes that only God himself could fix. You would never believe where they came from unless you got to know them. In devoting their lives to God they were transformed to being compassionate, empathetic, wealthy people, but with only the help from their Creator....
I wake up to see my messy room longing for that peace, love, and passion. Even that kind of lover. You can only "reap what you sow", and I have sown a lot of sad seeds, and the ones I've sown great were not taken care of. I've been lazy and complacent. I've been filled with anxiety and fear, so I've remained stagnant. I continue to complain of my lack of peace and happiness, yet I have yet to do any work. I have a choice to make this dream, this fantasy, a reality. I've been shown it is possible, now I must make it happen. I almost wonder if he will create his own journey so we may meet up so we can share the same goals in life to create Destiny and reach our fate. I know in this dream my life is completely surrounded by God, that also means that I MUST begin with Him now and that is the only way I will reach that place of bliss. I'm a firm believer that dreams hold meanings, signs, and warnings for our present and future. They also show us the desires of our hearts. I believe God is telling me that it is time to completely drop all of my complacency and temptations and to "pick up my mat, and follow Him". To do His work and in doing it I will find this peace I long for. It is my vision. I can lie here looking at my crop of laziness or I can work and end up in the arms of that man in my dreams that will hold me to the love of God and His work. This man will also provide not only for me, our family, and for his Lord and Savior, but to the community of people who are in need of love, compassion, service and empathy. I will be filled with love, passionate love, and I won't go a day without being shown that I am his queen and I will never tire if showing him he is my king. Because we are a team and together we can concur anything that is evil but with only with the love of our God.
Sunday, April 7, 2013
There Once Was A Woman...
Saturday, April 6, 2013
Ho hum...
The choice between the real work or complacency... I'm choosing work.
Yesterday I contacted a couple of people for my job and I was challenged to make a goal to feed 1200 families in a month and a half. 1200 families!! That is insane. I'm not sure how I'm going to go about doing it, but I have a lot of people to start talking to. Our food bank needs it and most of all the families and people it is going to help. I can no longer call complacency a friend and neither an acquaintance, I'm better than that and these people deserve more!! As a mother of 4 I know a bit about how much food a family can go through. All of my children have different appetites, but I am most definitely blessed with good eaters. It can be quite costly if you do not plan well... And we have to plan well. We generally spend anywhere from $100 - $150 a week on groceries for a family of 7. It is a shame that families have to make the choice to either skip a meal during the day to pay a bill or even put gas in their vehicle to get to and from work. I know we live in tight finances sometimes, but we are still quite privileged. Blessed by far compared to many families out there. It is time to pay it back forward in either time, service, or money. The people of our community deserve it.
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
THE NEW BLOG!
So I am going to "REVAMP" my blog. It is going to be a place where I am going to be completely honest and a place where I can run to to see my growth, my struggles, and my strength. I have seen things that I have written in my past blogs that have brought so many more meanings to my life now, things I wanted answers to and now I do. But I now that I have these answers, I have SO MANY MORE QUESTIONS!
So in the last few months I have FOUND PASSION! YES REAL PASSION! It is amazing and it was found in a very unlikely place. I am not going into detail how or where I found it, but I will say that I have. I will reveal more of my secrets and life in time.
GOD! I love love HIM! And I love His Son, Jesus Christ! Something a typical Christian would say, right? Yeah... But it is true and it has brought so much love to my life. So many more meanings and reasons to life. I want to fall more in love with Them and I want to grow my relationships with Them. I need Them to be my purpose in life, my drive, and my will to live. I need Them to send the Holy Spirit my way to help show everyone around me who I am living for. Who I am choosing to live for. WHO I NEED TO LIVE FOR!
I have been depressed for the last few months. I have felt lost and I have no idea where I want to be. Or at least I didn't. My "picture" is becoming clearer. I haven't kept in touch with people, I have cut off communication with so many people because I just didn't have the energy to talk to anyone. I was so tired of all the negative energy I was sharing, and all the negative energy I was recieving from some of the people in my life. I am finding that this 'black hole' I have created it is deadly. Not only for me but for everyone around me. I am so tired of being the 'victim', I want more than that. I am tired of waiting for things to happen. Waiting for life to happen. Waiting on people to make decisions so I can make mine. There are too many things I could be doing, people I could be meeting, and people I could be helping in this time of waiting. Instead I have chosen to sit here in my depression complaining. Saying I am going to move but I don't. I have placed myself here and refused to move. It isn't healthy... It really isn't. And it is NOT productive. God gave me the life to help others and I haven't been doing anything. WHY??? Because I am scared. Because I don't think I have it in me to succeed. Because if I don't try then I can't fail. But is any of this helping me? NO! It isn't. "I" must make this choice for myself. I must make this choice for my children. I must make the choice for my service to God. I CANNOT wait any longer.
I must get off of my "@$$", make a plan and follow it. I must find my "WHY". WHY am I doing this? Why do I keep giving up? I need to find the things that push me, and I have to find the things that pull me back. I must trim the things that pull me back and I must invest in those who push me forward in life. ANYTHING that brings me to God is the path I should be on. No matter what. Whatever brings me to God, is the path I will be on. I cannot sabotage my time anymore, or anyone else's time. YES, we all have problems, loses, lack of energy, and motivation. But we also have the strength to overcome anything that we put our mind into. WHAT are we waiting for? Some of us just aren't ready yet... we just don't know the power of true love. But the moment when we see it or realize it, we will find purpose. We must build on that purpose. I will be writing down my purpose, my calling, my why, and my plan. YES, I will be posting all of it. I need to release all of it so that it is no longer strangling me, but now pushing me. I must take action so that my life is not lived in 'vain'. I want my life's purpose to be more than just words. I want to take ACTION!!!
Please look forward to a new look and new photos coming soon.
So in the last few months I have FOUND PASSION! YES REAL PASSION! It is amazing and it was found in a very unlikely place. I am not going into detail how or where I found it, but I will say that I have. I will reveal more of my secrets and life in time.
GOD! I love love HIM! And I love His Son, Jesus Christ! Something a typical Christian would say, right? Yeah... But it is true and it has brought so much love to my life. So many more meanings and reasons to life. I want to fall more in love with Them and I want to grow my relationships with Them. I need Them to be my purpose in life, my drive, and my will to live. I need Them to send the Holy Spirit my way to help show everyone around me who I am living for. Who I am choosing to live for. WHO I NEED TO LIVE FOR!
I have been depressed for the last few months. I have felt lost and I have no idea where I want to be. Or at least I didn't. My "picture" is becoming clearer. I haven't kept in touch with people, I have cut off communication with so many people because I just didn't have the energy to talk to anyone. I was so tired of all the negative energy I was sharing, and all the negative energy I was recieving from some of the people in my life. I am finding that this 'black hole' I have created it is deadly. Not only for me but for everyone around me. I am so tired of being the 'victim', I want more than that. I am tired of waiting for things to happen. Waiting for life to happen. Waiting on people to make decisions so I can make mine. There are too many things I could be doing, people I could be meeting, and people I could be helping in this time of waiting. Instead I have chosen to sit here in my depression complaining. Saying I am going to move but I don't. I have placed myself here and refused to move. It isn't healthy... It really isn't. And it is NOT productive. God gave me the life to help others and I haven't been doing anything. WHY??? Because I am scared. Because I don't think I have it in me to succeed. Because if I don't try then I can't fail. But is any of this helping me? NO! It isn't. "I" must make this choice for myself. I must make this choice for my children. I must make the choice for my service to God. I CANNOT wait any longer.
I must get off of my "@$$", make a plan and follow it. I must find my "WHY". WHY am I doing this? Why do I keep giving up? I need to find the things that push me, and I have to find the things that pull me back. I must trim the things that pull me back and I must invest in those who push me forward in life. ANYTHING that brings me to God is the path I should be on. No matter what. Whatever brings me to God, is the path I will be on. I cannot sabotage my time anymore, or anyone else's time. YES, we all have problems, loses, lack of energy, and motivation. But we also have the strength to overcome anything that we put our mind into. WHAT are we waiting for? Some of us just aren't ready yet... we just don't know the power of true love. But the moment when we see it or realize it, we will find purpose. We must build on that purpose. I will be writing down my purpose, my calling, my why, and my plan. YES, I will be posting all of it. I need to release all of it so that it is no longer strangling me, but now pushing me. I must take action so that my life is not lived in 'vain'. I want my life's purpose to be more than just words. I want to take ACTION!!!
Please look forward to a new look and new photos coming soon.
Saturday, January 19, 2013
Learning to Breathe Again....
Gotta Stop. Look. And listen. It can pertain to watching for cars. However, in my case, it is so I don't become overly upset. WHY must I jump up and think and feel the worst? Why can't I learn to just "Let It Be"?
Lately I have been extra emotional and worst of all SNAPPY! YIKES! I don't want to be snappy. (I'm not that person anymore, yet it is resurfacing.) But I am being snappy... but WHY? Things were going so good and I have to go and ruin it by jumping to conclusions and becoming sensitive. Perhaps I am reading into this too much and should just let it go.
Honestly, I know why. I know why I am so sensitive. I know why I expect so much... too much. I know why I feel so disapointed. AND it all has to deal with me! I cannot control the actions of others, BUT I can control how I feel, how I react, and what I do. But why must I do this to myself, time and time again? What must I do to break this cycle?
So many things have happened in the last few months. Things I will choose not to go into detail with but I will say these events have most definately taken a toll on the my relationships in my life. It has caused me a weight that I have chosen to take on and make my own. Some of the things I cannot help but live with, others that I am sure I could walk away from or I could choose to deal with differently. Empathy has the best of me right now. Along with my short term anger. Nothing like how it used to be, but I am allowing it to come by and take control. A bad habit for sure, something I know I don't want back into my life.
Time to break the cycle again. Time to STOP. And learn to breathe again.... Time to go to bed and think some more. Time to LET GO and LET GOD!
Count You Blessings - White Christmas
Honestly, I know why. I know why I am so sensitive. I know why I expect so much... too much. I know why I feel so disapointed. AND it all has to deal with me! I cannot control the actions of others, BUT I can control how I feel, how I react, and what I do. But why must I do this to myself, time and time again? What must I do to break this cycle?
So many things have happened in the last few months. Things I will choose not to go into detail with but I will say these events have most definately taken a toll on the my relationships in my life. It has caused me a weight that I have chosen to take on and make my own. Some of the things I cannot help but live with, others that I am sure I could walk away from or I could choose to deal with differently. Empathy has the best of me right now. Along with my short term anger. Nothing like how it used to be, but I am allowing it to come by and take control. A bad habit for sure, something I know I don't want back into my life.
Time to break the cycle again. Time to STOP. And learn to breathe again.... Time to go to bed and think some more. Time to LET GO and LET GOD!
Count You Blessings - White Christmas
Saturday, December 29, 2012
....Everything to GAIN!
Either you are going to break or you are going to push forward. I refuse to sit on the ground and wait, I MUST push forward. BUT WHERE AM I GOING??? WHAT do I WANT? WHAT DO I NEED? Then I hear his voice say.... ".... Take it a DAY at a TIME." (Goosebumps) That then reminds me of that saying: "You don't have to see the whole staircase to take the first step." OR "Happiness isn't destination, it's a way of life."
WHERE have I come from:
I am a Mother, a wife, a daughter, a sister, a best friend. I am outgoing. I am unique. I am creative. I have the desire to help people. I am passionate!!!!! I am learning humility and compassion. I grew up Catholic.
WHERE am I now:
I am a stay at home Mama of 4 where I work from home providing help people reach their health goals. I am currently working at bringing the charity from the company I am a part of into my community through my food bank. I am a wife... (I don't know what to say beyond that... again "Take it a day at a time".) I am rebuilding my relationship with GOD! And I am bringing God into my children's lives.
WHERE are you going to be:
I HAVE NO IDEA! And that is okay!!! (Gotta "Let Go, and Let GOD!") I am going to be the best Mama I can be to my children. I am going to work as hard as I can to be able to provide for them. My charity is going to be amazing and help so many people!!! I am going to be successful. I AM GOING TO continue to grow in GOD... God help me!
WHAT do I want?
I want GOD to guide me. I want GOD in my life. I want God in my kids lives. I want GOD in all of my relationships. I want GOD in my job and all of my successes. I want to love my kids unconditionally and I want them to know it!!! I WANT to be loved unconditionally. I want my kids to be loved uncondtionally by all those in my life. I want to love unconditionally. I want passion. I want comfort. I want promise. I want to dream and share them. I want to make goals and reach them, and have my children to be a part of it.
HOW bad do I want it?
I WANT IT. "Enough to run through a brick wall."
WHAT am I going to do to get there?
THANK GOD! Set goals and reach them. I am going to work hard. I AM GOING TO PRAY!!!! PRAY!!! AND PRAY!!! AND be thankful... and blessed. I am going to include my kids in my business. I am going to make daily, weekly, and monthly goals. I am going to keep in contact with those who are where I want to be.
WHAT are my fears? (write down and BURN!!!!)
Failure, giving up, unsuccessful, lack of motivation, being alone, not being a good mother, not loving God enough, not thanking God enough, not praising God enough. That I can't do it. That I'm not strong enough. I'm not loveable. I am undeserving. I don't have anything to give. That I will lose everyone and everything in my life. Not being LOVED and being able to LOVE back. No more passion. Not being compassionate. Not being humble. That my past and fear will control me!
WHY??????
GOD! GOD! GOD!!! My children.... all 4 of them. Their LOVE, their HUGS, and their NEEDS. MORE TIME.....!!!!! With my children, vacations with family. My community challenge. To help as many people as I can with the help of my children. Missions... LOVE LOVE LOVE!!! Passion... the people in my life that support me with no questions ask. My bestie, my Sweets, my cheerleader, even my husband.
WHAT am I waiting for? I just to just "DREAM IT and DO IT"! Dear GOD please guide me! Please be with in everything I do, say, and feel. WHO is with me??? Who want's it as bad as I do?
WHERE have I come from:
I am a Mother, a wife, a daughter, a sister, a best friend. I am outgoing. I am unique. I am creative. I have the desire to help people. I am passionate!!!!! I am learning humility and compassion. I grew up Catholic.
WHERE am I now:
I am a stay at home Mama of 4 where I work from home providing help people reach their health goals. I am currently working at bringing the charity from the company I am a part of into my community through my food bank. I am a wife... (I don't know what to say beyond that... again "Take it a day at a time".) I am rebuilding my relationship with GOD! And I am bringing God into my children's lives.
WHERE are you going to be:
I HAVE NO IDEA! And that is okay!!! (Gotta "Let Go, and Let GOD!") I am going to be the best Mama I can be to my children. I am going to work as hard as I can to be able to provide for them. My charity is going to be amazing and help so many people!!! I am going to be successful. I AM GOING TO continue to grow in GOD... God help me!
WHAT do I want?
I want GOD to guide me. I want GOD in my life. I want God in my kids lives. I want GOD in all of my relationships. I want GOD in my job and all of my successes. I want to love my kids unconditionally and I want them to know it!!! I WANT to be loved unconditionally. I want my kids to be loved uncondtionally by all those in my life. I want to love unconditionally. I want passion. I want comfort. I want promise. I want to dream and share them. I want to make goals and reach them, and have my children to be a part of it.
HOW bad do I want it?
I WANT IT. "Enough to run through a brick wall."
WHAT am I going to do to get there?
THANK GOD! Set goals and reach them. I am going to work hard. I AM GOING TO PRAY!!!! PRAY!!! AND PRAY!!! AND be thankful... and blessed. I am going to include my kids in my business. I am going to make daily, weekly, and monthly goals. I am going to keep in contact with those who are where I want to be.
WHAT are my fears? (write down and BURN!!!!)
Failure, giving up, unsuccessful, lack of motivation, being alone, not being a good mother, not loving God enough, not thanking God enough, not praising God enough. That I can't do it. That I'm not strong enough. I'm not loveable. I am undeserving. I don't have anything to give. That I will lose everyone and everything in my life. Not being LOVED and being able to LOVE back. No more passion. Not being compassionate. Not being humble. That my past and fear will control me!
WHY??????
GOD! GOD! GOD!!! My children.... all 4 of them. Their LOVE, their HUGS, and their NEEDS. MORE TIME.....!!!!! With my children, vacations with family. My community challenge. To help as many people as I can with the help of my children. Missions... LOVE LOVE LOVE!!! Passion... the people in my life that support me with no questions ask. My bestie, my Sweets, my cheerleader, even my husband.
WHAT am I waiting for? I just to just "DREAM IT and DO IT"! Dear GOD please guide me! Please be with in everything I do, say, and feel. WHO is with me??? Who want's it as bad as I do?
Thursday, November 8, 2012
NST ST. LOUIS 2012
November 5th, 2012
What an emotional roller coaster. From missing my kids to seeing lives change before my life. This weekend was absolutely incredible. I can't wait to bring more of my team to the next event.
I'm creating goals left and right and I'm not going to let any of the "NOISE" bring my hopes and dreams down. I have passion built into my soul, a vision my mind and belief in my heart. I am here to help serve the people of the world. Starting with those I know and love, then to my friends and community.
I am living on just hours of sleep. I can't wait to see my family. I can't wait to skoosh my kiddies. I'm exhausted and long to be held to sleep. (ha ha... dreaming BIG!) I am currently on a plane on my way home.
Tomorrow is going to be a challenging day and many prayers are asked and welcomed. Being an adult reallying is here. Not that caring for your own children makes you responsible for one's life. But when you hold a possible decision to someone else's life other then your young, or yourself, it really is hard. It's a day of picking and choosing battles.
Life is filled with them. As I like to say "Every action has a reaction". The turbulence is here. Reminding me that we all of rocky paths we must travel, but he outcome can be very much welcomed. (Gosh I love Zac Efron! He is playing a really funny character on this movie that's playing, which I am only making glances at. Instead I am currently listening to "Open Arms" sung by Mariah Carey.) Thinking positive thoughts and I haven't prayed this much in years. Faith, we must-have it in our Creator Randall those around us. As we are all made in the image of God. We are all called to serve those in need.
My eyes are dozing off as I am typing. Again, snuggles.... I crave them. We will see... remaining OPTIMISTIC! Meanwhile have a plain seat on a plane. Goodnight will chat again soon!! Perhaps about knitting. Lol.
Friday, October 19, 2012
BLANK....................
I've been staring at this blank page on and off for the last 30 mins... What to write. Oh gosh... where to start?
Ever have so much on your mind it feels like is is going to explode? Yep.... that is how I feel.
So lets just start here.
So I will be in St. Louis in 2 weeks for work. I am super excited!! I will be flying to Nashville, TN and spending like 1/2 the day there and then to AL for 2 days and then my best friend in the whole wide world and I will be driving west to St. Louis, MO for an event for work.
I LOVE MY JOB!! I love it!
I get paid to help people reach their health goals. It is absolutely amazing, and completely rewarding in so many ways. It even gives me reason to travel, I love traveling. I love meeting new people!
So not this weekend, but next weekend I will be throwing the kids a Birthday party. 2 days worth. I am so excited! On Saturday we will be throwing them (Mila and Serg) a costume/birthday party with a few of their friends. Then on Sunday we will be having family over and having a family party! :D I am hoping this makes up for me missing Halloween and Serg's Birthday. :(
This week has been super crazy. I have a couple of good friends going threw a lot. One of them happens to be a super close friend and I find a lot of things in common with her. She is near and dear to my heart in so many ways. And another is a friend of mine I just met who has a lot to accomplish in the next few years, creating himself a new beginning. I pray for the best for both of them...
I have to remind myself the Serenity Prayer daily. And lately a little more often.
I am in the process of building my charity. I am in the process of building my business. I am in the process of helping our daughter with ADHD get her IEP. So many things and so little time. BUT I can do it. As Josh says, make a list. It helps. I need to make more lists.
Well, that is it for now. Next post I will share what I have knitted. As it has been, um, a while since I have shared that too! :D *HUGS* to all and have a fantastical weekend!
Ever have so much on your mind it feels like is is going to explode? Yep.... that is how I feel.
So lets just start here.
So I will be in St. Louis in 2 weeks for work. I am super excited!! I will be flying to Nashville, TN and spending like 1/2 the day there and then to AL for 2 days and then my best friend in the whole wide world and I will be driving west to St. Louis, MO for an event for work.
I LOVE MY JOB!! I love it!
I get paid to help people reach their health goals. It is absolutely amazing, and completely rewarding in so many ways. It even gives me reason to travel, I love traveling. I love meeting new people!
So not this weekend, but next weekend I will be throwing the kids a Birthday party. 2 days worth. I am so excited! On Saturday we will be throwing them (Mila and Serg) a costume/birthday party with a few of their friends. Then on Sunday we will be having family over and having a family party! :D I am hoping this makes up for me missing Halloween and Serg's Birthday. :(
This week has been super crazy. I have a couple of good friends going threw a lot. One of them happens to be a super close friend and I find a lot of things in common with her. She is near and dear to my heart in so many ways. And another is a friend of mine I just met who has a lot to accomplish in the next few years, creating himself a new beginning. I pray for the best for both of them...
I have to remind myself the Serenity Prayer daily. And lately a little more often.
I am in the process of building my charity. I am in the process of building my business. I am in the process of helping our daughter with ADHD get her IEP. So many things and so little time. BUT I can do it. As Josh says, make a list. It helps. I need to make more lists.
Well, that is it for now. Next post I will share what I have knitted. As it has been, um, a while since I have shared that too! :D *HUGS* to all and have a fantastical weekend!
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