It's 11:56 pm and I feel like I have cried a river today and all my energy has been sucked dry. Yet I still feel this ache in my heart. It's like I have opened my life and I can honestly feel someone else's pain and energy. It's true pain. Heart ache. Like I want to cry every time I think of the story. I can't help it. It just happens. Why do I have to be so dang emotional all the time. I swear as the years pass it happens more often. I can handle better, but it certain things affect me more than others.
I am sitting here waiting for my towels to finish washing, so I can place them into the dryer. Mila's algae fish is dying... :*( It makes me sad to see a creature die. I ran over a squirrel once and pulled over and cried. I am not kidding, I balled my eyes out. I was completely upset when my brother's friend shot the Chicky Dee in the back yard and it was the parent to the eggs in the neighbor's hanging basket.
I found myself on the edge today. (I guess now yesterday now that it's 12:08 AM) I'd hear something, think of something, read something, and I would instantly start crying. It's like everything was happening at once. Like my mind was on everything mode and wouldn't stop thinking. If I was an actress and they needed me to do crying scenes, today would be the perfect day to take advantage of it. I took a shower, and I was better. Then it happened again. Something someone said set me off. The pain hit again. I felt their pain along with my insecurities. And I started crying again.
You must think I am crazy for thinking this way. That how can I feel something that doesn't involve me. Why do we get upset when we see tragedies on the other side of the country or world? I am just going to call it compassion. I asked for it, in an earlier post I asked to be more compassionate. So now I want to call this compassion. I am opening myself up to the bigger picture. That we all have our own tragedies. But we can be there for one another however it may be.
^^I wrote this yesterday/early this morning^^
So this morning was a rough morning. I think I was more afraid of having another one of those emotional days. I think I need more optimism. So I am breathing and going to make a list of things I need to get done.
I am currently knitting some fingerless gloves for my sister in law, she has already paid for them. And I just got an order to make the Bella mittens, so I need to get yarn for that. I am super excited. That is two things in a row. Kristi also made a suggestion that I make shrugs and sell them. Great idea!
My head hurts, I am trying to refrain from taking any pain meds. and find out the root cause. It is most likely from crying so much yesterday and dehydration. So... I can get this all done. There is a lot to do, but it can all be done! Breathing again. I am trying to make things just work. Everything is going to work.... Everything is going to work. It has too!
We are born like a jigsaw puzzle. Boxed up and then we come out in pieces. You kinda get idea what we may look like (by our parents) and our colors peak out from our pieces. As time goes by our puzzle comes together. Sometimes pieces fall to the floor and you have to pick them up. Some times things are hidden and you have to work harder to find them. Some puzzles are more difficult than others, some more colorful, some have big pieces and some a little pieces, some have a lot of detail and other are the more simpler. We are all puzzles. We all share something in common, some days we have other people place a piece or few down for us. Eventually our puzzle will be finished, we don't know our deadline. But it will be finished.
Today is a day dreaming day. This could find me in trouble if I don't combine it with the things that need to be done. So to get things done! Let's go!
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