People...

I find that people come in and out of our lives. Sometimes we ask them to leave, sometimes they leave on their own, and sometimes God takes them home. Sometimes we can say goodbye and we are okay with it, other times we don't want to say bye but we do. And worse case scenario they just leave without a goodbye or even an explanation. These people can be friends, family, significant others, children, or even employees.

I remember this one time I had this huge crush on this guy in the 8th grade. His name was Andy. We used to talk on the phone every week day at 2:45 PM, and we used to go to church together, so I would see him on Sundays. He was tall, at least 6 feet, had blue eyes, fair skin, and blond hair. I can honestly say I fell in love with him. He could play the piano and did often when we talked on the phone. He was silly. Every time I hear that song "I Get Knocked Down" by Chumbawamba, I think of him. He used to love that song. Well, one day on a Sunday, he told me he was breaking up with me. I started to cry. He said they were moving. By the next week they were gone, no one knew they were leaving. I was the only one. I was devastated, Lost, and Heart broken. I found myself looking for him everywhere I went, knowing the chances of seeing him would be slim. A winter day before Christmas Eve I saw him. I completely freaked out. I told my mom, I saw him. I started crying, she knew I did. Then she saw him, she gave him a questioned look. I went up to him and he had grown at least 2 more inches. I asked why they left, why he never talked to me again? He said he couldn't say. He looked teary eyed and cocky at the same time. It hurt. I said goodbye again. And saw them at midnight mass. It was the last time I saw him. I wonder how he is, if he is happy and what had happened.

There was this other time where I was the one who left. I wasn't very nice about it. In fact there was times I was down right mean. I regret it deeply. I was told I couldn't talk to her again, I didn't go down without a fight though...several. I was devastated. She was my very best friend and we did everything together. Sang, danced, talked, she slept over often, and went for long walks gossiping about our crushes and fantasies. I told her I couldn't talk to her anymore. She knew the reasoning behind it, I didn't have to say. She wanted to still stay friends, but I couldn't. I was afraid about the people who would talk, and it would get back to my dad some how and it would become worse. So I then became mean about it. I told her I didn't like her and a lot of other mean stuff that made us both cry. I was hoping she knew I was lying. That I was stuck between a rock and a hard place. That I had no choice. And I left.

One more instance. So I didn't grow up with biological grandparents. They had all passed away before I was 5. I met my dad's mom when I was 2, she was already affected by Alzheimer's, and I vaguely remember meeting her. I also met my mom's dad and knew him till I was 4 1/2, he was a huge teddy bear. I loved him. He would sit me on his lap and read to me. He was a plumber, and a hobby carpenter. To this day I fall in love with the smell of fresh cut lumber, WD-40, and Old Spice Original. I miss him and his hugs and kisses. When I turned 12 I became close with a couple on our street. Grammy and Pappy, I called then Patty and George. What wonderful people. FULL of Life. I would spend hours in their house talking to them. Patty's wise words still ring into my life often. I will never forget the smell of George's pipe. My sister did all the kid baby sitting, I was the pet sitter in the family. When Patty and George would go out of town I would watch their kitties. I didn't go and see them when they moved to the other side of the state. A little more than a year ago, Patty passed away. I wish I had gone and seen them before she got sick. George still lives out there. I hope that this summer we can make a camping trip out there. I would love to see him.

You see people come and go from our lives. All playing different positions. I know some people who leave our lives can come back. I have gotten in touch with 2 people from my past. One person I am extremely excited to become closer too. There are people from our past we've had to say goodbye too that we can never come in physical contact with again due to death or other circumstances.

I guess this is a way for me to realize that there are people in my life I am willing to fight for. Some people in my life that are worth the fight more than others. Some I need to be stepping up to the plate more, when I haven't.

I really don't know how to end this blog post. But I do know that I realize that I am at an age where there will be people leaving regarding circumstances. I know I will have to learn how to deal with it. How to move on. I like to place things on the back burner and then come back to it later or when the stove top if full. Then it eventually topples over and I need to clean the kitchen.