I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. There are times where you will know what that reason is immediately. Sometimes you can be left in the dark while everyone knows. Sometimes you know, but you choose to keep it to yourself and have everyone else figure it out. And my favorite, nobody knows, but only time can tell. Sometimes the fun things that happened turned out bad, or something bad happens and it is just the tip of the iceberg... it could only get better or worse.
I always wonder about the hard questions. I always fear the worst, and try to remain optimistic. The greater good? True Love? Your happiness over others? Their happiness over yours? What secrets to keep or to tell and to whom? There is always questions. There is always consequences. Everyone always chooses something. There is gray area...lots. But is that gray area room for happiness or destruction? Again only time will tell. Will you regret the decision you chose to make? Whether if it was well thought out or in an instant moment. We all have to live with it. None of us wants to have regrets. The "What If?" factor. I hate it, but it lingers in my life. I want to be spontaneous without regrets...
Where to go from here? To live each day a day at a time. I find myself questioning everything I ever believed. I am not the same person I was 10 years ago. I am amazed at the changes in my life, good and bad. How did I get here? Why do I think this way? Am I veering off the path, or going toward one? Maybe I am between one? Did I just pass by a cross roads? Was that the rest stop? (Damn, I had to pee!) I wonder if the people of my past and present will be in my future, and where? What will their roles be? Where will I be? Will I be happy? Will we be happy?
So many questions with so many answers. Every person has a different answer in their lives. Two people could make the same mistake at the same time and they can both still have different outcomes. It depends on the situation, who is involved, the emotions involved, and how it evolves. I also believe in wrong place wrong time. But what happens if it was wrong place wrong time, but later becomes right place right time? You know the "Butterfly Effect". I hate that movie, but it's true. It's a series of experiences and how they are played out, it's what makes you or breaks you.
Am I made or broken? I don't know. I don't know where or who I am as an individual. I know that I am married to my best friend. I wouldn't be here without him. We have 4 beautiful children. I knit/craft to stay sane. I am becoming more ... what's the word... ambitious. I have my dreams, my feelings, my questions, and thoughts. Where to go from here? Lets just take it a day at a time? Let's see what life throws our way. You can make plans, but sometimes plans are made to be broken. And there is ALWAYS room for spontaneity. To life and it's choices, to hopes they are the best ones, and without regrets.
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