Picking and Choosing Battles

Aw... something I have been challenged with the last few weeks.
So I started going back to school last Friday. To find out that on top of everything else going in my life, I have officially bit off more than I can chew. I don't need just refreshers, I need to go back to read and review EVERYTHING. But I know book work isn't going to make me a great massage therapist, it's the massage practice that will. But I need the book smarts to pass my boards, to help people, and not kill them.
I found myself in a bind this week. A weeks full of soccer practices, kids starting school, becoming prepared for games this weekend, family, and trying to maintain a home while  trying to find time for school and my own personal sanity. It was just too much to remember and juggle at that. If I was going to school closer and learning something new, it would be different. But this isn't the case. I am finding that I am depending on a lot of people to get what I want. If I let anyone down, I want it to be just me. I will still pull out all my books, binders, and papers, syllabysus, and begin my own refresher classes. I will still get my massage license. If I can help it, I will not over extend my favors from everyone.
I am currently in a state of fear. Of working hard and putting forth money to fail. I am afraid of not passing my boards once again. What I need to give myself is time. Time to learn everything I need to pass. I am not in any hurry. I will probably not make my goal to New Years, but that's okay. I want to be great at what I do, and by rushing myself and everyone isn't going to make me better. Just frazzled and lost. Which is where I am right now.
I'm trying to breathe. Figure out where I need to start. The beginning only seems best. The stuff I already know, and build on that. But right now my family comes first. My kids and their happiness, my love for them, that is what matters most. I found myself studying yesterday, finally realizing how much they still need me. Every few minutes asking for, to do, or to watch something. They need to be reassured of my love for them. And right now that is what they deserve, and what I chose to do for them from the moment of conception. This is my choice to be their mommy. One day I'm going to be great massage therapist, but above all I hope I can be their mom and Louie's wife. They don't need a massage therapist, they just need me. Something, I've known but needed to hear.